When I come to 14 hours later, there’s a 600+ character syllabary scrawled on nearly a ream of paper strewn across the table. It’s 90% systematic, but every thirteenth character has an irregular shape, and there are unpredictable ligatures for the most common bigrams, trigrams, and quintgrams (but not for quadgrams, for complex reasons related to the religion of the speakers)… oh, Zamenhof forgive me… the ligatures! Under the pile of papers documenting the basic orthography is a sketch of a family of languages that use the orthography. One uses facial expressions to convey tense and aspect, which are written with unpronounceable diacritics. Another is a written-only language that expresses topicalization through ink color. The third is a non-linear a priori logical language that is meant to be written by four-or-more dimensional beings, using a three-dimensional matrix to express logical necessity, Bayesian conditional probabilities, and n-way branching decision trees for algorithmic optimization of task prioritization in an atemporal alternate universe.

Then, later…..

My 7-year-old daughter came into the room about then, saw the papers on the table, and began crying. “Daddy,” she said, “you promised me you weren’t going to create any more languages! Why did you lie to me?”

The reply:

Unfortunately, this is but one of the hundreds of letters like this that we receive every week. But there is hope! (At least for those who don’t write to us in their conlang. Those poor bastards may be just too far gone, alas.)

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